Looks like the the ivy-leaguers got themselves into a bit of a tiff this week, over, you guessed it, a squash match.
The Big Green squash team
We know, we know, it’s shocking that it’s not something like Polo. Or crew. Or chess.
Now before you picture the flying fists and mob scenes blurred by flashes of Harvard crimson and Dartmouth green, remember we are talking two of the most prestigious schools in the country here. And we are talking squash.
Apparently during a squash game between the universities on Dec. 2 Dartmouth fans got a little out of control, yelling “profanity-laden” jeers at the Harvard team.
The most scathing of these jeers? The crowd apparently asked Harvard player Franklin Cohen if he liked bagels. Cohen, and his parents are now calling the comment an anti-Semitic slur.
Dartmouth, however, claims they were referencing the zero or “bagel” on the scoreboard.
Administrators are now issuing statements of dissappointment and Dartmouth President Jim Yong Kim apologized to Harvard President Drew Gilpin Faust.
So all we are saying, ivy leaguers, if you are going to get into a fight. Do it right.
Our advice? First, go play a real sport. Squash, really? Leave it to the ivy leagues to get all lathered up over a sport that only 40-year-old businessmen play on the weekends.
This, my friends, is that this is a real college sports fight:
Fight that broke out between Miami University and Florida International University
I mean even Bucky the Badger from University of Wisconsin Madison and Sparty from Michigan State know how to throw down.
Welcome to public school, bitch.
I mean what can we expect, even Harvard’s mascot is one of the worst mascots of all time
Second of all, get some real taunts. See: The Crew for Maryland soccer. How about University of Florida’s Gaitor Bait accompanied with jaw-clamping hand motions. Or University of Alabama’s Rammer Jammer, Yellowhammer, give ‘em hell, Alabama! Trust us, take a tip from these guys. Forget overly-clever references to bagels. And the veiled references to people’s religion, oh wait, we mean the scoreboard.